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lost love

Got a text from a guy asking if I regretted what we had done. We have been friends for ever. I met him in kindergarten. We would get together for sleep overs and such as we grew up. Then like a lot of teen boys we "fooled around". It didn't change our friendship and i am still close to him. He went on to get married have kids, divorced and then married a sweet heart of a lady. He has lived a rough life and is now dying. So i got this text, asking if i had regrets. I told him now. I asked him the same, and he said yes, never finishing what we started. We talked some more and i know of the guys i have dated or been with, he was the one that got away. Add in a few women in there and i have a lot of regrets about people that got away. sigh

going to see dead people

On sunday i will go see the bodies reviled exhibit at union station. I went the time they had it before and enjoyed it. This time will not be any different on that thought. Can not wait.

KC World Con

I will be going to my first World Con this coming week. I am throwing a party and then the rest of the time i will be free. This should be a experiance for me. I don't know really what to say. I am going in with my eyes wide open and not expecting any thing. I will get to see old friends and loved ones. I hope to see some people but not sure if i will be able to get in to their company. But a fun time will be had

Be human

In this world we tend to forget to treat people a little better than we do. We forget to be human. Now i am not saying that we must love each other. By all means you can dislike a person who treats people like a jack ass. Just don't hate people because of the color of their skin, or the way they look. Be human
It is hard to be your self if you don't know who you are


I am numb.
Numb over violence.
Numb over politics.
Numb over people.
Numb over every thing happening in the world.
Keep calm and carry on.
How do you carry on when all you see is darkness.
How do you carry on when all you see is fear.
How do you carry on when all around you is chaos.
At some point we break.
How do we carry on?
I don't say much about my beliefs.
They are mine, and mine alone.
I won't push them on to people.
Little good comes from it.
Nothing changes.
We march forward.
In to the darkness, with hopes that we see light.
Keep pushing forward.
Keep moving.
Try to be the light.
In the face of all the darkness try to be that tiny speck of light.
Create a world that is better.
Create a world that doesn't seem that it will ever happen.
Create a world that is good, even if it is only in your mind.
Fear will be able to stop you, even when you don't think it can

And the oscar goes to......

I'm a world class actor. If I was able to be up for an award, I would most likely get an Oscar. You see a lot of people act just as well, if not better than me. We act like nothing is wrong, yet we have depression.

Some thing happened the other day and i have spiraled my way down a hole.At work i try to act as if nothing is wrong. I go through the day as if nothing is wrong. i laugh and joke with the customers. But i am hurting so bad in my head.

I hope to be better. I hope to be me before to long

lodge pole tails

A long time ago, in a different life time, my family started to go to rendezvous. Many a week end was spent out in the middle of no where (usually farm land) camping in a teepee or a lean to. Usually there was around 15 to 20 people camping. People would drive in, set up camp and then park their cars off to the side away from the camp. in the end it would look like you stepped back in time to the 1800's.

To get to a place many people would get their gear in to the vehicle and then tie up on roof racks the poles you would use to set up your teepee or canvas lean to. For a lot of people they had 18 foot teepees so this meant 23 foot long poles would be on the top of their van or even in their trucks. This usually got strange looks from people wanting to know what you was up to. When you would stop for gas a lot of times people would ask what the poles was for.

My family was friends with a set of identical twin brothers (Bub and Willie) who loved being asked what the poles was for. One time as they was headed to an even they had to stop and get gas. Picture this, 2 guys in a refurbished panel van (painted orange and brown) with a metal rack holding 15 long lodge poles. You would want to know what they was for. I remember 2 things they told people.

Once a guy asked them what the poles was for. It was about this time that a rumor was going around about large Missouri catfish that had been seen near a dam. So they told him they was fishing poles. The guy believed them. They told him about being hired by the state to go fish for the large fish as the fish was causing damage to the dam they was at. He wished them luck on the fishing.

The other one that I remember was my personal favorite. Again someone asked what the long poles was for. They told the person that they owned a parakeet ranch. The poles was going to be used as the new perch for the birds to set on. They had to get a large set of poles because the parakeets was always working their way through the perch with their little talons.

My family used a lean to since it was easier to move with the mustang we owned. Since it was a family of four in a small car, we often would not have room for every thing we used. So my parents would wrap around the poles the canvas for the lean to and some of the blankets and canvas we used, then tie it to the roof. Once we was stopped by the police to be asked what was on the roof of the car. The cop had seen it and thought we had a body wrapped up and tied to the roof. We told him what it was and he sent us on our way.

ah the memories…..