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My feelings...

I get hurt very easily. Not physicaly but mentaly. for instance i bought books at a charity auction and was told, "oh i will get them signed and sent to you." (yes, i'm still going on about that) i spent over $400 on the books and thought i would recieve them back after being signed. but its a long time ago that this happened. I feel angry that i got screwed over, but at the same time i feel like shit for being agree at the person who promised me the books signed. I am more upset with my self for having the thoughts of anger against the person. Why? i am not sure. i have so much thoughts going through my head on it, that i can't make since. I hate feeling like i can be taken advantage of, but then i also feel as if i should be taken advantage of. I just feel as if i need to not feel so bad and just forget about stuff. But i can't. my word is my word and i tend to try to keep it. if i don't i try to let people know i am not able to do it.

i bought a dvd from a place on line. it will not work. Spent $30 on it. because of the way i feel about my self and other stuff i can't send it back. (this is partly because i don't drive and to get it back to a post office would be a pain) the other reason is i don't want to bother them with it. I can't even email them and tell them that the thing was broke. its stupid for me to think this way, but this is the way i am.

i have to start getting the momentum up to ask to be taken to some place. A quick stroll in a book store takes about 4 weeks of build up to get me to ask for a ride. Some things are easier, because they are for other people. Sigh i wished i could just be able to ask for help, or rides easier. Hell i had to ask my mother to get the info for my therapist from my sister. i could not ask my self...

i'm just f*cked up in the head.

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Uncle Duke
jimmy_hollaman
Jimmy Hollaman and GUS
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