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Thinking

Been doing a lot of thinking lately. About when did I really start this whole Mystie life. I took and believed it was when Murray and i took and did a skit. But it was even further back now that i think of it. Yes I hid thoughts in my life from my self or didn't even understand them in the first place. i have some things in my past that I don't tell others because I'm embraced about it. lets just say I was caught with stuff that made my parents question me on things. I was told by my mother recently that was when she new I was transgender. I pushed the thoughts away for a while. Then I stole a skirt from my sister. I would wear it when they was not at home. It was that skirt that Mystie wore when she did the skirt with murray. It felt right back then. I kept it up as a joke type thing at conventions, but really i was just being the other me. I never did dress up in any thing that was to outlandish. OK, so i was dressing as Wednesday Addams sometimes, but it was not done as a joke, i really wanted to be her.

it is kind of scary that i had not noticed so many hints or any thing that I was different. May be it was because i didn't have people constantly telling me to be a boy. I was a campfire girl and a boy scout. My mother took and was the leader of the campfire girls so i was usually there when they did stuff. I went to camp as well with them and even stayed over nights when they slept out at the camp. i was part of the group, even tho I never got the badges or beads. i played with my sisters toys as well as my own. We was twins and spent a lot of time together.

Lately i have been doing a lot of research in to things. Doing a lot of reading and other stuff. I'm starting to see that i really need to do some therapy for these feeling, not that its bad to have them, but to help me explain them. I'm a slow work in progress, but hope to be a happy self in the future. No matter who that is.

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Uncle Duke
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Jimmy Hollaman and GUS
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